Surviving the Holidays

I got alot of things on my mind, lately and have been at a loss of what to write. I have been feeling great on my Gluten Free diet and have not been sick at all while adhering to it - but we are not doing well. Hubby lost his funding for school, and still has not found a job, with no unemployment checks coming in we don't have the money to pay all our bills. We have a small amount in savings but that will run out in less than two months.

There lurks a German Shepherd.

I feel horrible for my Hubby, he is trying so hard to find work and every time he goes to an interview he feels like it goes well, but they never call back, NEVER. I know he feels like crap, I know it hurts every time someone doesn't call back - and I support him as much as I can but there is only so much I can do. It makes me so mad, I want to storm into those places and demand to know what it was that they didn't like?" He was a great employee - he put me to shame. He was always to work early, never called in sick, never skipped out early, always prided himself on being the best in a particular position, never hesitated to go beyond his duties to get something done, and needed little to no supervision once he learned a new position or skill. Any company would be relieved to have such an employee............SIGH..........

I LOVE Aspen Trees - I love them in the summer, I love them in the fall, and I love them in the winter too...

Patrick went home to my parent's place again because we did not have the money for hay, farrier care or vet care for him for him this winter. It was either that or sell him. I am thankful my mom took him back to her place, but its awfully sad looking out there at my fenced pasture and horse shed and not seeing him loitering about...

Poor cold chickens....

A horse friend of mine who had cancer passed away this weekend, and while we knew it was coming it didn't make it any easier. Its just such a horrible horrible disease - I hate it that she had to have it. She was in SO much pain, but was so strong, it just ripped everyone's heart out. She leaves behind a nearly two year-old daughter, who's father is a loooooooser and wants nothing to do with her, of course she will be raised by a loving family that has been arranged but it's still absolutely heart breaking.

Her whole ordeal got me thinking and reading and researching alot on what we eat and how we live I am learning alot, the kind of things that I wish I didn't I know now. There is a lot crap that we eat and put on our skin that lines us up for diseases like canser (misspelled on purpose) and the agencies that are there to protect us from stuff like that are as corrupt as they can get. There is even stuff that the AMA and the ADA does to us and keeps from us that is BAD BAD BAD all in the interest of money, I hope to talk more about that in the future, but when you see it you'll know where its coming from.

I didn't have the best Thanksgiving. I spent all day making my own food to bring to dinner and even though some if it was completely "normal" food (just made in a gluten free environment) nobody ate any of it. Not a bite. I took all my food home with me. And i feel like since I spent all day cooking I should've just stayed home and saved myself the trip. I was an outsider eating my own special food. That plus I had to deal with some drama crap from a family member and it just kinda ruined the evening...

The thing is - I am tired, worn down. I have a choice whether to deal with that crap or not - and I choose not to. From now on if there is a chance conflict will present at family functions I won't be. I don't need that kind of drama in my life and I am done knowingly exposing myself to it on purpose. I almost feel like I am in survival mode. Any excess crap in my life is being disposed of.

I know this sounds dark but I feel surprising ok, tried out snowshoes the other day - still enjoying my chickens, and me and Hubby are surprisingly getting along... I just need to continue to be just a little bit selfish, I think, and pray for better days in the future. Gonna be a skim Christmas this year, we've already decided no presents, but even that is not bothering me too much. I am very thankful God has blessed me with a group of loving friends, both online and locally here in my area, that refuse to be chased away by me and who are there when I need them the most....