The Hearts of Angles Rest in Dogs...saying goodbye

Taz (Razzmatazz) • 1996 - 2010

"Because God is never cruel, there is a reason for all things. We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one."

-Dean Koontz - Darkest Evening of the Year

"Maybe loving dogs is a way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and for the mistakes we make because of those illusions."

-Dean Koontz - Darkest Evening of the Year

"No matter how close we are to another person, few human relationships are as free from strife, disagreement, and frustration as is the relationship you have with a good dog. Few human beings give of themselves to another as a dog gives of itself. I also suspect that we cherish dogs because their unblemished souls make us wish - consciously or unconsciously - that we were as innocent as they are, and make us yearn for a place where innocence is universal and where the meanness, the betrayals, and the cruelties of this world are unknown."

— Dean Koontz (A Big Little Life: A Memoir of a Joyful Dog)

"I do not concern myself with my inability to feel such comfort amidst humans (other than with very few friends and family), but, rather, am simply thankful that at least dogs exist, and I’m humbly aware of how much less a person I’d be – how less a human – if they did not exist. "

— Rick Bass (Colter: The True Story of the Best Dog I Ever Had)

"In each little life, we can see great truth and beauty, and in each little life we glimpse the way of all things in the universe. If we alow ourselves to be enchanted by the beauty of the ordinary, we begin to see that all things extraordinary. "

— Dean Koontz (A Big Little Life: A Memoir of a Joyful Dog)

"Dogs' lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you're going to anguish, so you live fully in the moment with them, never fail to share their joy or delight in their innocence, because you can't support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There's such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware it comes with an unbearable price."

-Dean Koontz - Darkest Evening of the Year

Before I went galloping off to Yellowstone this summer it became VERY obvious to Hubby and I that our old Rotty Taz needed to be put down. Personally I thought earlier this year she needed to be put down, but Taz was always more of my Hubby's dog than mine and there was no convincing hubby that she was in pain.

Taz was the first and last Rot we will ever have she was a stubborn dog and very difficult to train - but, she was always fun to have around and we loved her regardless. When she was younger she LOVED to dig - in fact she is the only dog I have ever seen with my own two eyes dig a tunnel. She used to dig these craters in the yard, big holes a 100+ pound rot could disappear in - not kidding like 4ft or more deep. When we'd get home from work she'd be so excited she'd run around the yard and zip down a hole, pop up, and keep going...and one time we came home we watched as she ran down one hole and came up another. "No way," I mumbled as I jumped out of the truck and ran over to her holes. Sure enough she'd actually dug a tunnel connecting two of the holes, I was amazed. She loved to chew as well and consumed: multiple lawn hoses, solar yard lights, a lawn mower steering wheel, many Kong Extremes, food dishes, the wiring under the 4-wheeler, the wiring under our camper, the camper power cord, a bike seat, a snow sled, the handle to our battery charger, one poor kitty, many flower bulbs and several sprinklers.

Right before I left she lost her mobility and couldn't get up anymore - so we made the decision put her down. Hubby has always said with his dogs he would would just take them out and shoot them as he could put them down faster and more painlessly than a vet - I never argued with him as his aim is good second to none that I am aware of - he is an excellent marksman - and when done properly it is the quickest most painless way to do it. But when it came down to it he couldn't make himself even pick up the gun. So after her most favorite treat had been devoured and we said our goodbyes while she was still bright and alert using a blanket we picked her up and loaded her into the truck and drove to the Vet's office on a beautifully sad Tuesday morning. I stayed behind knowing hubby needed some space.

All the other dogs were concerned and somewhat miffed at all the attention the old dog was getting and swarming around sniffing. They watched her go and ran to the gate to watch the truck move down the dirt road. Try as they might - they could not find her when the truck returned... and still to this day won't go in her house or lay in her spot. One of my friends commented that this was respectful - I tend to agree. Kaiser, the alpha dog, seemed for a time a little distressed that a member of his pack was suddenly missing and acted VERY needy and perplexed for a few weeks but is now doing fine and back to his old self.

I told her that I was sorry before she left. I was sorry that she had to be our first dog. She had to be the dog we learned all lessons with. Like chaining up a dog gives them no life worth looking forward to. Like cheap dog food is NOT good for dogs. Like you really don't need to hit or scream at dogs. Like the value of a fenced yard is priceless for the happiness of a dog. Like its OK to have a dog inside (all you doubters....it really is - you CAN in fact have dogs inside your house and still have a nice house that doesn't smell). Like its OK to spend some money and buy your dog some decent toys. And we even learned this last most painful of all lessons, not to wait too long before giving them the gift of ending their suffering. I am so so very sorry she couldn't have the life our other dogs now enjoy.............

If you are reading this, you don't have to hurt for me - I am better now, as time heals all things. I just wanted to spend some time remembering her because she deserves at least that. Go hug your dog instead - buy them a toy or take them out to a field to run and play and spend some time with them, bring them inside to be part of your family...